Saturday, November 3, 2007

Blue Day....

Finished this book yesterday; A Cat Named Darwin by William Jordan.
Favorite quote from the book: ...."The brain receives input from the eyes, ears, nose, mouth, skin; it processes the input, applying its agendas; then it conjures an illusion of reality, projects this illusion back on the world, sees what it has contrived, and takes the illusion for reality itself. This is the legacy of the biological mind, and there is no transcending it."

Is that why I'm feeling down? Because I've created a reality to match what I think should be happening to me? I just feel devoid of hope. That's it. As if there's nothing to look forward to. And I know that's nonsense. Who knows what life has in store for me? I certainly don't. OK, so I don't have a job right now and my prospects look like crap. But that could change overnight, right? Right?
I feel like spending the day in bed, but here it is, 6:30AM and I'm up, unable to sleep; hubbie at work, son and his girlfriend still asleep. Maybe I could do some spring garden planning for next year, that might cheer me up. Somehow I don't think it will though.
Maybe I'll spend some time with our dog Chelsea, today. And with our cat. I've never mentioned that we also have a cat. We've had one for years, and many others before her. Ebony was originally our son's cat. (How often do parents hear that?). She is terrified of Scarface and Louie, our son's and his girlfriends dogs who are living here TEMPORARILY. Consequently we don't see much of our cat during the summer months, but now that winter is approaching Ebby asks to be let in our bedroom window every night and sleeps with us. It's always been a pleasure to have a cat sleeping with me. They expect so little. I love the feel of that warm, soft body cuddling next to me. I'm lucky to have a cat.

I think I'll spend some time today just looking around at everything I do have. And it's a lot. A decent house. A great garden. This computer. My husband will be home tonight and I will fix us a nice dinner. We'll probably have a couple of beers. We'll watch SNL. Maybe have sex.
I'm still breathing, walking, thinking, feeling. Life is good.


Bek said...

I am sorry to hear that you are feeling so down today:( In times like this it can be hard to value the good things we already have..
It's interesting how pets, especially cats (we are a cathouse), can provide some quiet comfort. I hope for you that life gets better for you again soon!

Rosemary said...

Blue days, had a few myself.
Tho one tries to see the bright side and there are lots of positives , just can't seem to get out of the pits on those days.
It will pass as most things do in life , just not easy getting past them.
Hoping that this time of unemployment and greyness passes soon for you.

Jeffrey said...

Down days can be tough for us all. They are even worse when you know your own down days are also causing down days for someone else. I'm hoping that despite some current circumstances, your ability to see the good in things keeps you -- and those around you -- smiling.